Do any of you read the Blog Segullah? It is a blog for Mormon women; a place where women can share thoughts about motherhood, raising children, being wives, serving in the church, etc. Yesterday the posting was titled "All the Single Ladies" and it was a forum where single women could discuss their experience and insight of being single in a family oriented church. Wow. What a great discussion. I highly recommend the blog and especially that discussion. I wanted to comment on the thread but just couldn't formulate my thoughts yesterday. But I've had some time to think about it and want to share...
...But I decided I want to share some of the ridiculous things people have said to me over the years. There was a period of time that I did take offense to some of these things. I do believe I do not take offense to things now. I realize people mean well and I try to let it slide off me. But these are too good not to share. I hope they make you laugh as much as they do to me now.
Oh and I apologize if you have ever said any of these things to me... hey, they made the list... they were good stuff ;)
1. "well, she was a good girl who got good grades no wonder she is getting married."(BTW, I graduated with a 4.2 and #22 in my class of 735)
2. From a friend who just recently got engaged, "I guess I'm not in your club anymore"
3. "so where were you when the boys came home off their missions"
4. At a ward activity talking with a 70-year-old man, someone walks up to me, "Oh, is this your date for the evening" (and i don't think he was being funny)
5. Mother's Day at church when they were passing out the flowers, "Oh, um, do you want one? Will you see your Mom today to give this to her?"
6. "If you weren't so _____ (picky, scared, independent, etc), you'd be married"
7. "I can see why Sheri Dew is still single; she is so independent; no man wants an independent woman". There are so many things wrong with that sentence I can't even begin.
8. Said to me when I was 30 or 31 by a man who was probably 65 and should know better! "Well, you need to get married. Why are you not trying to get married?"
9. "You are wasting time in your life being single."
10. "Have a little faith"
11. "When you least expect it, it will happen"
12. "I would so marry you if I weren't already married". Puh-leeze!
13. "Don't worry, you'll have a chance in the next life"
14. "____ (insert name) didn't get married unti she was ___ (insert an age that is older than what I am now)"
15. "Have you tried online dating?"
16. "You are too good for those guys out there. No one deserves you"
17. "You better hurry. Your biological clock is ticking" no shit sherlock.
... And the best part is I NEVER BRING UP THE TOPIC. Classic.
I think what really hit me when I was reading Segullah yesterday is that no one knows the workings of my mind and my heart (or anyone's really) except for those closest to me (and God :)). But I'm trying to resolve that by perhaps using this blog as an outlet. I know people think they know how I think and feel and often articulate their own perceptions onto me but trust me, you don't know. And please stop guessing. Stop thinking that I feel a certain way because most likely I don't feel that way. If I won't share my inner feelings with you, it is just because I'm a fairly private individual. It isn't because I'm trying to be mean or unfair; it is just my personality. And I'm quite pleased with it. I know God is in control.
(did i scare you off? did i make it uncomfortable to comment? hmmm, we'll see how this journal thing goes) ;)
11 comments:
#5 wins. #17 isnt far off.
"(did i scare you off? did i make it uncomfortable to comment? hmmm, we'll see how this journal thing goes) ;)"
Erin, its gonna take a lot more then some hilarious words from air-heads to scare me off.
Edit to my above comment: Homework might scare me off... but thats about it. Im going to be seeing a lot of homework in a week =(
I didn't know I was part of a club. Woo-hoo! When do we meet, and what do we do at the meeting?! Let's call ourselves the Pink Ladies, and always have those petit four cake things. Please?
When you least expect it = marriage proposal? I know THAT one ain't true because I haven't expected it for YEARS now.
I know people are trying to be sensitive, but I hate getting plants handed to me on Mother's Day. I'm no more a mother than the man sitting next to me. I'm probably even less of a mother than him (if that's possible), what with all my unsightly facial hair. Hey!
I could go on for days, but you already know my thoughts on these... silly, entertaining, irrelevant, etc. etc.
And go ahead and treat this as a journal. Your thoughts are great, and valuable. Even though you are single.
I have had every single one of these things said to me as well. Married people are so often 1. smug and 2. so uncomfortable about our singleness (since they are not single and thus complete) that they awkwardly don't know what to say. I laugh it off too. And for those I really like, I will do some educating.
O to the M to the G. That list was hilarious.
I bet I know how you feel and what you're thinking. I totally do!
Just kidding, I have no idea. Can we still be friends?
PS you need to come to Boston. It's warming up! Kind of.
I love that you are using your blog as a journal and an outlet to share what your thinking!!! I do the same thing with my blog, it's so therapeutic.
so much I want to say.
"your eggs are dropping like flies"
"your next" (at a reception of my little brother when i'm the last child in the family to marry)
But mostly I just want to say WELCOME TO THE BLOG WORLD of TMI. I do it all the time.
please please please keep journaling here.
xoxo
I love that you are going to start sharing your thoughts more! It is great! I loved this post!
I have had similar conversations with my sister, Tara. She is 38 and is still single. I have told her many times the only reason I have 7 kids is because she is right there to help me out. She is their 2nd mom. When Tara was in her late 20's she finally made business cards and handed them out to people. They said something like this...
Hi my name is Tara LaRue
yes I am 20 something
No I am not married
No I am not dating anyone
No I am not interested in being "set up"
so on and so forth.
When she was at bridal showers for her friends she got so sick of the women asking the same questions she would just take these out and hand them to the ones asking the questions. My mom was mortified, but it made Tara feel better.
I am glad you were able to get away for a while and enjoy Mexico. I get to go in May with Tara. Your pictures make me even more excited! I also really enjoy your thoughts. I am so glad we were able to reconnect! You are wonderful!
Andrea
You're great, Erin! These are kind of the same things people said to me when I didn't have children for all those years. They would say stuff like: "Why are you letting your sister beat you in the baby department! You need to do some catching up!" or "You REALLY need to put your job aside so that you can have a baby." I would say, "I would have them if I could". People really don't think about the hurt that they cause!
Thanks for sharing! Love ya!
Amen, sister.
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